I’m Calling “B.S.” : Half The Distance To The Goal Line, and Loss Of Possession


Look, I said I was working a lot, not that I died.

Mike, over at Cold Fury, riffed on this essay over at American Thinker.
(TL;DR…? Codswallop.)
Peter, over at Bayou Renaissance Man, linked to not one, not five, butthirteen articles going on about imminent civil war in America.
And by one definition of same, over at Forward Observerwe’re already engaged in a “low-intensity conflict”. (And we probably are.)

If you’re expecting a quick piece, this is the point where you should go to the bathroom, visit the snack bar, pour a large beverage, and fasten your seatbelts.
This is where we make up for our recent preoccupation, to deliver the quantity and quality absent hereabout for a couple of days.

Parental warning notice:

I’ll start with the Lopez essay, being the fattest carp in the rain barrel, as it’s the stupidest collection of drool we’ve seen in some time, at least without a toddler’s bib wrapped under it.

I am nowhere near as confident as Kurt Schlichter that the right wing could trounce the left wing in battle.  We can’t even unite to keep Alex Jones on Facebook.

To Whom It May Concern:

If that sort of slipshod half-assed fallacious twaddle is what passes for “thinking” at American Thinker, I humbly suggest it’s time to change the name on the masthead to American Shithead. If that shell landed inside someone’s perimeter, right on top of their ass, and left their panties all perplexingly atwist, I further recommend that they set about unfucking themselves, at a high rate of speed.

Allow me to restate Lopez’ recokulous non-sequitir of illogic in plainer language:

I am nowhere near as confident that conservatives could eat food, because they refuse to eat a triple-decker shit sandwich while doing a headstand in an open cesspool 6 feet deep.

Brilliant reasoning, Lopez. Well-played, right there.
Because obviously, anyone unwilling to give two shits whether Facecrack lives or dies, let alone rise up in defense of Alex Jones’ ability to spew his amalgamation of 50% fact and 50% cow dung (I’m spotting him the benefit of the doubt, bigly) since…oh, forever, on such a compromised medium, is clearly not committed enough to the cause of…wait, were we talking about liberty, or insanity? 

The critical flaw in Lopez’ entire screed is a fatal inability to distinguish a baby from bathwater. And it keeps biting him in the ass throughout this rancid essay:

We may fantasize that conservatives constitute a massive invincible army against the left.  None of this will help us if nobody is willing to show up for the fight.

Why say this? Because they weren’t willing to die on the hill of Roy Moore’s senate candidacy. Waitwaitwait…grassroots conservatism is nil, because the RINOs in the GOPe, The ones who nominated Bitch McConjob as their leader, the very ones who just spent a whole day giving happily dead ex-senator John McCrazy’s festering corpse a public tongue-bath before burying it, was supposed to fight for a Trump-endorsed and deeply flawed candidate, who lost? Whatever Lopez is smoking, it’s time to lay off it for a year or two, and find a good drug rehab program, before he posts again.

Conservatism from coast to coast isn’t suspect because people aren’t stupid or insane enough to be willing to die on whatever dung-mound you push up, no matter what flag you plant there.

The feds have too much say and sway in land management west of the Rockies, a fact no sane person would deny.
That doesn’t thereby obligate me to chain myself at the neck to the retarded efforts of the inbred Bundy clan, or take affront at the death of a misguided jackass, prancing around a snow bank after nearly running into a roadblock, and literally yelling “Shoot me! Shoot me!” at state and federal officers pointing rifles at him, who then got his wish, while everyone in the same vehicle who didn’t act like a capering lunatic went home with no extra kinetically-produced assholes in their meat suit, and subsequently walked out of court free as a bird.

The reality is, you won’t find conservatism if you keep looking for it among non-conservatives, no matter how hard you look there, and neither my nor anyone else’s conservatism is suspect simply because we’re not the same lunatics about silly ideas as some other people, nor will drink their asinine Kool-Aid with floating cat turds in lieu of ice cubes. The proper response to such jackassical demands is a sentence regarding self-fornication in the imperative tense, that ends in “…sideways, with a rusty chainsaw!”

Lopez goes on about what happens if the Dems win at the mid-terms:

Trump Will Be Impeached but Probably Not Removed from Office.

Uh huh. And shooting the Archduke Ferdinand will finally win Serbia independence from the Austro-Hungarian Empire. How’d that work out in real life? Let’s check the tape…

So, not so much.
You know, I know, and Yellow Dog knows that all the ceaseless temper tantrums and diaper-spackle-flinging by the Leftard Lunatics since November 9th, 2016 is based on nothing from reality, and that if the House flips to (D) in a couple of months (which I doubt, but prudence dictates options…), a vote to impeach won’t lead to open season on Democrat politicians, it will be open season on Democrats, nationally, in all 50 states and 7 territories, no regulations, and screw the bag limit.
You attempt some kind of national coup, even by lawfare, and there’s no reason for anyone else to maintain a grip on reality or rule of law: you’ll find out what that long-rumored national civil war looks like. There are 60M Republicans, 160M gun owners, somewhere north of 600M guns, and 1T rounds of ammunition, but just like the Swiss general told the German field marshal in 1938, all it will take is everybody on our side to shoot twice, and the party’s over for the other side, for another 200 years, as their party’s mascot goes from the jackass, to the dodo.

Their illegal alien communist asswipe president spent eight years yakking about how “elections have consequences”. Now, they don’t like what happens when the shoe’s on the other foot?

Feel the Bern.

Word to your mother: “elections have consequences” is the only thing Obozo got right, in eight years in office. (You read it here first.) Y’know what that means?

President Trump is Obama’s only actual legacy.
Elections have consequences, bitchez.
Want to bootstrap your way straight to Matt Bracken’s predicted “Bosnia, times Rwanda”…?

Try to undo the 2016 election by anything other than winning in 2020.
Opened a newspaper lately, Leftards? Good luck with that plan.

Try to shortcut it with an impeachment, and it won’t be one guy with an AK-47 at a softball game.

It will be 150M guys with nothing to lose, and no reason not to do this:

Oh, and there won’t be anyone from the AP around to immortalize the opening of your mind 158 grains at a time on the cover of some liberal lie-rag: the communist press corps will be the ones already slumped at your feet when your turn comes. But if you’re the type that has to learn from your own mistakes instead of others’, by all means, let’s open that ball. Many of us have walls of ammo cans loaded with your diplomas, and if you persist, Graduation Day is coming. You won’t graduate magna cum laude, nor summa cum laude; it’s more likely to be Oh Laude!

Lopez continues:

Conversion Therapy Will Be Banned Nationally, and a Sexual Police State Will Be Born

Good luck with that plan. Stalin asked how many divisions the Pope had. The Soviet Union crumbled, and the next Pope was from formerly-occupied Poland. Anybody who seriously thinks they’re going to shutter churches, or lock up pastors and priests, has another think coming.
This won’t be nisei Japanese Americans, politely, dutifully, and obediently lining up for the bus ride to desert internment camps. It will be NASCAR fans, Polish bowling teams, and soccer hooligans planting cops like wheat seeds, then judges, then politicians, and then going after their wives and kids. For sport.

Yes, really.

You won’t be sending any Christians into the arena to be eaten by lions.
You got one bite at that apple in Waco in 1993.
You want to try it again, and see how it plays in v2.0…?

It’s going to be tough to serve a warrant when it’s a suicide mission.

“And how we burned in the camps later, thinking: What would things have been like if every Security operative, when he went out at night to make an arrest, had been uncertain whether he would return alive and had to say good-bye to his family? Or if, during periods of mass arrests, as for example in Leningrad, when they arrested a quarter of the entire city, people had not simply sat there in their lairs, paling with terror at every bang of the downstairs door and at every step on the staircase, but had understood they had nothing left to lose and had boldly set up in the downstairs hall an ambush of half a dozen people with axes, hammers, pokers, or whatever else was at hand?… The Organs would very quickly have suffered a shortage of officers and transport and, notwithstanding all of Stalin’s thirst, the cursed machine would have ground to a halt!” – Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago

If someone is expecting Christians to report to the Coliseum for “processing”, because reasons, you ought to know that some people’s Christianity may be a bit more muscular than namby-pamby “gentle Jesus, meek and mild” as taught by closeted gay milquetoasts in days of yore, and a lot more like Jesus making a whip of cords, and driving people out of the Temple, and whose religious practice may be a wee bit more reminiscent of Mr. Nightlinger’s prayer…

Anyone concerned should nota bene, some folks are school-trained in certain things, and the curriculum doesn’t include warnings. Or warning shots. You really want to open that game? Call the toss in the air…

More idiocy:

Congress Will Pass Open Borders Laws that Trump Will Veto

Nice try. What you meant to type was

Congress will Pass open Border Laws, And Be Forced To Go Into Hiding.

Ethnicity will become your military uniform, and anything moving north within 100 miles of the border will be exterminated with extreme prejudice.

There you go: Bosnia times Rwanda. QED.
That’s going to cut into that whole identity politics BS when all that’s left standing is Not Your Team, huh?

And finally:

Conservatives Will Complain and Roll Over and Do Nothing
I am sorry this prediction is so dire, but we have seen little in recent history to indicate any other outcome if Democrats take the House and Senate.
The point is, we have to hold both houses of Congress, which means we have to get moving immediately.  As I told my Christian friends recently, “yes, God is on the throne.  But we still have to get off our couches and do something.”

Psychiatrists call that “projection”. I suspect, not having found any evidence of his graveyards to this point, we may safely assume Mr. Lopez will continue to wet himself, because no one is willing to die on his personal dung-ball mounds. Should his prophecy come to pass, he will be seen scurrying to paint himself as the architect of its success, as all dutiful wannabe leaders do.

But we won’t find him in any actual frays, just hypothetical/metaphorical/imaginary/illusory ones, over stupid things and petty whinging that no one is remotely willing to kill or die for.
And we won’t find him bearing actual arms, opposing actual foes, slinging actual lead, nor even training for same by shedding actual sweat. Because it’s icky, and hard, and no fun.

He will just continue to virtue-signal his perpetual betterness than others, demonstrated by his actual distaste for actual preparations for actual battles, and then call the kids that won’t play his petty games a bunch of poopy-heads.

What made the circus a show was that people got into a cage full of actual lions and tigers. All Mr. Lopez Anchovy has is a hat that says “Lion Tamer” in big red neon letters, and a burning desire to escape accountancy, and become a tamer of anteaters.

Peter’s take, at BRM is simply summarized by Churchill’s Maxim:

“Jaw, jaw, jaw, is better than war, war, war.”

And yet, there are people trying to roll the boulder up the precipice, and then over it, because they’re more enamored of Maxim’s Maxim:

There is no shortage of anarchic nihilists on both sides, wanting nothing so much as to watch everything burn just to see the fire.

They aren’t your friends, or allies, or anything you want within 100 miles of you or yours, now, then, or ever.

Secession seemed like a pretty good idea in 1861.

Just a few years later, not so much.
And the mementos are still there 175 years later.
Some people thought they could bomb their way to the world they wanted.

They thought that what went around wouldn’t come around.

Bad plan.
There are three immutable rules of war.
I) War is not your friend.
II) Sometimes, you don’t have a choice about one.
III) Winning is always better than losing.
You may not take an interest in a civil war, or even in a low intensity conflict.
That’s your choice to make.
But nevertheless, civil war or a low intensity conflict will take an interest in you.
Avoid crowds.
When bad things happen, be somewhere else.
Make a plan. Work the plan.
This ain’t the movies, and you ain’t John Wayne.
Train and prepare your @$$ off to deal with one if it comes.
Do everything else you can, short of compromising fundamental principles, to see that it doesn’t. (And btw, there’s nothing wrong with throwing fireballs deep in the enemy’s territory, instead of sitting in your bunker waiting for one to land on your porch.)
If you have no choice than to play for blood, be their Huckleberry.
No, American conservatives haven’t risen up over plastic straw bans, nor for tearing down Confederate monuments, or even such outright blasphemy as the Designated Hitter Rule.
All that proves, to people waiting for it earnestly, is that most people don’t think those things matter, in anything like life or death terms. IOW, they’ve got a firm grip on reality.
You may also recall that we’d never nuked anyone for the first 169 years of our national existence, either. We are a longsuffering, patient, and tolerant people.
Until we’re not.
You want to find out what matters? What’s important? What will be tolerated?
Try and take his bone away from a pit bull.
And if you’re those glass-jawed retards, like Antifa?
Well, if you have to learn things first-hand…suture self.
And for the whackjobs and little dogs yipping about how nothing is happening, and the world isn’t gloriously aflame, dammit, please, by all means, fuck right the hell off, (strong message follows), qwitcherbitchin, and spare sane men any more of your unadulterated bullshit. Or at least save it until next spring, when it will finally come in handy for planting the rose bushes.

Author: Alfred E. Neuman

71 year old geek, ultra-conservative patriot.